When a Cat Chooses You for No Reason You Can Name

## Paw Notes

I can barely keep track of how many times my cat has decided to snub my husband in favor of my lap. It seems to go unnoticed because she carefully makes the decisions to cross the couch to me, but she has done this every day for the past two years. When she first started living with us, she would just sit in my lap while I would do homework. When my husband got home, she would jump off me, curl up on his lap, and be as cute as she could with him. So, she would sit on him and accept gentle pets on the head. She would then leap over the couch and jump back into my lap resting on my hip and put her head on the armrest and stay there.

This was not my idea and it was not my favorite initially. When we adopted her, it was an exciting group effort however, the splitting of the feeding, and litter box duties was even. I thought she would love us all just as much. Less, if she really took a liking to my husband, but certainly did not expect this level of favoritism. He is the one who plays with her in the mornings, and he gives her the good treats.

There is no accounting system for what cats favor. Sarah’s cat, for example, loves and follows her husband everywhere, even into the bathroom and the basement. The moment he leaves the house and Sarah is home, the cat will only then sit with Sarah, but will not touch her. Sarah has paid to get him out of the shelter and she has paid for vet bills when he had an infection.

Another friend’s cat has chosen one of their youngest daughters over the parents who feed her and over the older son who wanted a cat for years. She would rather play outside than pay any attention to the cat, yet this cat chooses her. The cat waits outside her room every morning and gets mad if anyone picks her up.

At first, I thought the cat just gravitated to the person who was most calm and gentle. But I’ve seen way too many exceptions. I have seen cats choose the busy person over the one who was calm, cats choose the person who was barely home, and I’ve seen cats choose the one person in the family who did not like cats.

My therapist once told me we can not control who loves us and how she was referring to family relationships, the dynamics of people and old wounds. But that also applies to the little gray cat that is sleeping at my wrist right now.

There is a strange kind of grace in simply being chosen for reasons that are not clear. It removes the need to earn someone’s love, her love is given freely and I can’t do anything to make her love me more and on the other hand, I can’t do anything to make her stop. She chose me and I have no idea why. Out of whatever mysterious council I guess goes on in her head, I was picked and all I need to do is show up and give the space on the couch.

My husband does not seem to mind. Every once in a while, he will stretch over and run a hand down her back, and as she stays pinned to my lap, she will purr for him. That is sufficient for both of them.

Perhaps, the real gift is not being selected, but learning to accept that the selection will occur and not needing to grasp it. Seeing some small, defiant creature choose you, when by all accounts and reasons, it is illogical and unfair.

And, as a result, having that little decisive soul, believe it.